Notes on "How To Win Friends And Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE

notes by Yetkin Timocin

PART ONE - FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

to be added

PART TWO - SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

to be added

PART THREE - HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

1. You Can't Win an Argument

Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2. A Sure Way of Making Enemies - and How to Avoid It

Principle 2: Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."

3. If You're Wrong, Admit It

"Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes - and most fools do - but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one's mistakes."

"When we are right, let's try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong - and that will be suprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves - let's admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm."

"By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected."

Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

4. A Drop of Honey

"If a man's heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can't win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don't want to change their minds. They can't be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly." Abraham Lincoln

"A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall."

"The sun and the wind quarreled about which was stronger, and the wind said, 'I'll prove I am. See the old man down there with a coat? I bet I can get his coat off him quicker than you can.'

So the sun went behind a cloud, and the wind blew until it was almost a tornado, but the harder it blew, the tighter the old man clutched his coat to him.

Finally, the wind calmed down and gave up, and then the sun came out from the behind of the clouds and smiled kindly on the old man. Presently, he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat. The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force."

Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.

5. The Secret of Socrates

"When you have said 'No,' all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself."

* Socrates' "Yes, yes" method

"When a person says 'No' and really means it, he or she is doing far more than saying a word of two letters. The entire organism - glandular, nervous, muscular - gathers itself together into a condition of rejection. There is, usually in minute but sometimes in observable degree, a physical withdrawal or readiness for withdrawal. The whole neuromuscular system, in short, sets itself on guard against acceptance. When, to the contrary, a person says 'Yes,' none of the withdrawal activities take place. The organism is in a forward-moving, accepting, open attitude. Hence the more 'Yeses' we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal."

Principle 5: Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.